If Only I’d Known. Letters to Lost Years: 1987.1

Dear X,

What you need to know is that this is a phase, and all phases pass much faster than you think they will when you are stewing in them.

You are waking every morning to a sense of dread.  You go to school and have to walk down that hallway, which just seems to get longer and longer, like this:

When you get to the end, you find your own demons.

Right now, you think this is all there is – your whole world is at the end of that hallway.  And it seems endless.  A day in school, a lifetime.  The school year, eternity.  Each word that is said to you, good or bad, echoes in your mind, growing in strength.  Affecting how you think of yourself and what you believe.

If I tried, I couldn’t convince you that soon, you will hardly remember those teachers’ names.  The people who you wish so much would like you… well, they will have all but disappeared from your life.

But I probably can’t convince you of that any more than I can make you believe this is all leading you where you need to go, helping you grow into the person you’re meant to be.

Even the insecurities your developing – which will sometimes plague you – they’ll help you understand yourself and eventually give you some perspective on what matters and what doesn’t.  More importantly – on who matters.

If only you didn’t take it all, each moment, so seriously.  If only you didn’t think it was all somehow defining.

It’s only a phase…  Just when you think you’re stuck and things will never change, they do – that’s the nature of time.  Sometimes it gets better, and sometimes… well, it will get harder. But none of it will be permanent.

So, what do you do in the meantime?  Focus on little moments of cheer. (Remember that Frankie’s hot dog with dad? Like that.)  Take it easy on yourself.  Do the things that you enjoy, read a book, watch a show, take a class.  Keep searching for opportunities to make things better.  Don’t fight to fit in places or with people you know just aren’t for you.  Look for the friends who make you feel like you’re snuggled up under a fleece in front of a fire.

“This too shall pass.”  It does.  It becomes just memory, existing only in your mind.  And you can choose to acknowledge it… or not.

Every time you take a step down that hall, you’re one step closer to change.  One step closer to a new direction.  While you’re still there, relax… deep breaths.

Edgar Allan Poe wrote, “All that we see or seem is just a dream within a dream.”  When you wake up a dream fades and has only the power you give it.  And before you go to sleep, you have no idea what wonders might be in store for you.  So too, your days.

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Published in: on February 13, 2013 at 3:41 pm  Comments (2)  
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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Thanks Meghan

  2. What perfect timing this essay is! I’ll soon be going to my 50th High School Reunion and it rings so true!!


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