Long distance learning

Over the past two years, my outlook on life has changed dramatically.

I used to live, like many people do, with fear of lack and limitation.  I worried about jinxing myself if I thought about something positive happening to me (I’m not kidding – I actually worried that thinking about a positive outcome would bring about a negative one).  I also had fiery and often uncontrollable temper.

My whole way of thinking changed when I stumbled upon a podcast by Reverend Patrick Cameron, the spiritual director and senior minister of The Centre for Spiritual Living, Edmonton.  I had been searching for entertainment to wile away the time, while I walked miles and miles to whittle away my baby-weight, and found a new way to look at life: New Thought.

Much of what I write about relates to what I’ve learned from New Thought, but I’ve never actually written about the man who introduced me to these ideas.  Without ever having met him, Reverend Cameron has become an inspiration in my life – a guide, and even a friend, of sorts.  I turn to his voice when I’m feeling lost.  And for all the times he’s helped me center myself, I am grateful beyond words.

The same boat

Before I discovered Reverend Cameron’s podcasts, I’d never heard of New Thought or the Science of Mind.  I strongly feel that one’s relationship with God is a personal matter, so it’s not at all like me to listen to sermons in person, or otherwise.  Had he been a different kind of minister, I probably would have been turned off right away.

I’m someone who finds it easier to learn from people to whom I can relate and Reverend Cameron is eminently relatable.  Immediately apparent is how genuine he is.  Ironically, he’s a former actor who, in no way, appears to be putting on an act.  He has a deep understanding of his material, but presents it from the perspective of a person who is figuring it all out as he goes along and still has some learning to do.  For me, this lends credibility to everything he has to say.  Listening to him give his Sunday sermon is like a jovial family brunch.   He includes everyone in his conversation and gets his points across with humor and authenticity.

To explain the lessons he wants to impart, Rev. Cameron draws heavily on the personal experiences of people he knows, authors he’s read and very often, himself.  He talks about his childhood, as part of a large Midwestern family and about some of the baggage he had from his own religious upbringing.  He talks about his experiences trying to make it as an actor before realizing that acting was his passion, but not his calling (a difficult admission for which I admire him).

Rev. Cameron’s life has not been entirely smooth and easy, but he knows that the challenges he faced helped him grow into the person he has become.  When he talks about his little irritations – like the story of his unruly tenant who had to be evicted, or the time his truck was broken into or when he missed a flight for his vacation – I feel how human he is.  He comes across as someone who’s in the same boat as the rest of us… someone who is using the teachings of New Thought to make the best of life and is sharing his experiences so we all might benefit.

Not the Sunday sermon of my youth…

I’m skeptical of religious and spiritual gurus who talk with certitude, seeming to conflate faith with fact.  Reverend Cameron’s sermons immediately appealed to me because he expresses humility and open-mindedness. “Here’s what I happen to believe,” he seems to say, “Take whatever works for you, or leave it, as you see fit.”

And if you don’t happen to like anything he says, Rev. Cameron isn’t offended.  He just thinks, “Some bless us by coming into our lives; some bless us by leaving.”  Fair enough!

There’s little pomp and formal ritual to the sermons, nor is there dogma one must accept.  Even little ceremonies are left to the individual’s discretion.  For example, Rev. Cameron likes to sing a song before he begins his speech, but I love that he introduces it by saying, “You’re welcome to stand and join in if you like, or don’t, if you prefer to stay seated.”

Rev. Cameron frequently says that New Thought isn’t about worshipping a particular figure, like Jesus, but about learning the lessons he taught.  And yet, it is by no means just a Christian organization.  New Thought respects all religious traditions and draws from each the most positive, helpful and loving messages.  Ministers are just as likely to quote from the Bible as they are from the Koran, or from Sufi mystics, or from Einstein, or from contemporary psychiatrists.

In his message to the public on the Centre for Spiritual Living, Edmonton’s website, Reverend Cameron writes:

Imagine a place that welcomes people of all races, religions, sexual orientations and social backgrounds in respect, dignity and love. A community that nurtures diversity and provides multitude of opportunities for anyone, at any stage of life, to grow spiritually.  Imagine a spiritual community that communicates and celebrates the positive aspects of humankind, the world around us, and our relationship to the Power within.  What would it be like to be part of a spiritual community that is practical and provides tangible steps and programs for individuals and families to change and apply spiritual principles in their lives immediately?

From what one can gleam through the podcasts, Rev. Cameron’s community is exactly as he describes – a positive, hopeful, kind, inclusive and loving group of people, who aren’t out to tell you that their way is right and your way is wrong.

 “New Thoughts” I owe to Rev. Cameron

So, now that I’ve gone on and on about Rev. Cameron, you may be wondering what I’ve actually learned from him.  I thought I’d list five specific ideas that have had a profound impact on my life, all of which I’ve written about either specifically or generally.

1)     “You are what you think about all day long.”  Emerson is among my favorite writers, so when Rev. Cameron quoted him, I was hooked.  Rev. Cameron made me stop and think about what Emerson was really trying to say and helped me realize that my thoughts are largely who I am.  If I focus on negative, fearful ideas, my life will seem negative and frightening.  When you’re driving, you tend to steer where you’re looking… the same is true with living.  If you’re thoughts are gloomy, you tend to steer yourself toward gloomy experiences.  If your outlook is optimistic, you lead yourself toward situations that make you happy.  Rev. Cameron has helped me take responsibility for what goes on within my brain.

2)    The Great Leap and Five Wishes.  Sometimes Rev. Cameron’s sermons take on the qualities of a spiritual book club, which I love.  He finds authors I would never have considered reading and talks extensively about their work.  In my writing, I’ve often referred to writers I found through Rev. Cameron, in particular, Gay Hendricks (who I wrote about here, here and here).  In The Great Leap, Hendricks describes how most of us have a subconscious limit on the amount of happiness and success we feel we deserve.  When we begin to reach that point, we sabotage ourselves.  If it hadn’t been for the Reverend, I would never have recognized my own “upper limit problem.”

3)    “Evolved people.”  Rev. Cameron often refers to the work of Michael Beckwith and I have written about him here and here.  Though I personally find Beckwith a bit difficult to read, I have tried to take to heart his contention that “Evolved people race to see who can forgive first.”  It’s helped me to let go of unproductive anger and hurt.

4)    “When making up stories comes to no good.”  I owe this significant change in my psyche entirely to Rev. Cameron.  He told an instructive tale about moving into his new home and making friends with his neighbors.  One neighbor, however, seemed to be particularly unfriendly.  Rev. Cameron would wave from his driveway and the man just blatantly ignored him.  “Wonder what that guy’s problem is?” he thought, as he tried not to be offended.  Then, one day, the neighbor’s wife came around.  In the course of conversation, she mentioned that her husband is blind.  Aha – so that’s why he didn’t wave back!  Rev. Cameron’s imagination could have invented all kinds of reasons why his neighbor ignored him, but he never would have guessed the truth.  How often do we incorrectly assign a meaning to someone else’s words or actions?   How often do we unfairly assume a negative connotation that was never intended?  Of late, I have saved myself countless hours of angst by refusing to indulge in imaginary tales that do no one any good.

5)    Meditation.  Who was it that made me understand how vital meditation can be to one’s health and happiness?  You guessed it!  Meditation is a vital aspect of New Thought practice and I probably would never have given it a try if it hadn’t been for the Rev.  And as I’ve since learned, meditation isn’t just for one’s spiritual benefit; science is beginning to prove that meditation is beneficial for our health – it can actually change the structure of our brain (read more here).

This list of what Rev. Cameron and New Thought has taught me is by no means exhaustive – in fact, it’s just the tip of the iceberg.  Hopefully, the blog itself is testament to how helpful I’ve found this teaching and how much happier I am for it.

With that in mind, I wanted to express my appreciation and share the source of much of my inspiration with the hope that others might also find it valuable.

The podcasts to which I refer are available free through iTunes and from the Centre of Spiritual Livings’ website.  May your own lives be filled with “new thoughts” that help you become the best of who you are meant to be.

***  Due to time constraints and travel, the Temple will likely be very quiet over the summer.  Thank you to everyone for being so encouraging and supportive since I began writing.  Please peruse previous posts and join me again in a few months!

Published in: on June 13, 2011 at 1:34 pm  Comments (4)  
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The pursuit of happiness

I recently finished watching a documentary series about the American presidents.  Of course, Thomas Jefferson is among the more esteemed office holders in our history, but his greatest achievement was accomplished long before his election.  The Declaration of Independence is among the most influential documents ever written.  I was thinking about the great care and deliberation with which Jefferson chose his words; in particular, I’ve been thinking about our unalienable rights: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Rev. Arlene Bump of the Center for Spiritual Living, Fort Lauderdale, once said in a sermon (available as an free podcast on iTunes) that it is important to note that Jefferson did not say we have an unalienable right to happiness, but to the pursuit of happiness.  The distinction is significant.

No one – no government, no parent, no spouse, no religion – could ever promise anyone a life of happiness.  We will all face unanticipated challenges and personal struggles that help us discover who we really are and what we want from life.  But, every individual has an innate ability – and a right – to try to create a happy life, whatever that might entail.

To be (happy) or not to be…

We’re about halfway through 2011 (is it just me or is that hard to believe???).  If you’re like me, you hardly even remember what your New Year’s resolutions were.  Maybe now is a good time to reflect on the past six months and ask ourselves if we actually are pursuing happiness in our lives.  If not, we should examine what we  are pursuing and whether it’s worthy of the time and attention we’re giving it.

Do we spend too much time at our jobs?  Do the hours we put in contribute to our personal pursuit of happiness?  Would the world come to an end if we left on time and let some tasks wait until the next day?  (And if so, Harold Camping would appreciate it if that work was left for October 21.)

Do we continue to hang on to a relationship that we know ought to end?  We deny both ourselves and our partner the opportunity to experience life’s most profound happiness – true love – when we refuse to move on and let go.

Do we live in the past and allow our memories to dictate how we feel and act?  Each morning, we’re given the opportunity to have the life we want.  What happened yesterday or yesteryear only has the power we give it.  We can be whomever we choose, regardless of what’s come before.  We become our own anchor, weighed down by our history when we don’t let go of what isn’t relevant today.

And similarly, do we hold on to anger and grudges?  If so, does this serve our ultimate good?  Being angry and a victim takes a lot of energy; energy that could be put to better use.   Rev. Bump asks, “Woud you rather be justified and right or happy?”   Old, worn out anger deprives us of friendships and experiences that we might really enjoy.   We will quickly become very lonely if reject everyone who sees world differently than we do.

Big picture

In a previous post, I mentioned Gay Hendricks, author of The Big Leap.  He’s also written a little guide called Five Wishes, in which he describes the conversation that changed his life.  A stranger at a party asked him to imagine himself on his deathbed, asking the question, “Was my life a complete success?”  Assuming the answer is no, the next question is “Why not?”  What are the things that you’d need to have achieved in order to consider your life a complete success?  It’s worth the time it takes to sit down and identify what you want from life.  If you don’t know, how can you “pursue” it?

Our wishes don’t have to be grand affairs – “I want a yacht and six houses.”  Our individual, ultimate good might just include having family and friends around us.  Or learning to play the piano.  Or refusing to give up on a dream, no matter how many times we are told no.

Minute by minute

Though we may not spend each moment of our day striving for our big picture goals, we can still “pursue happiness” in small ways.  I love quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson, especially this one: “We are what we think about all day long.”  We can ask ourselves: Am I thinking about (and giving my attention to) things that make me happy?

As an example of the trivial, last night I got home late from the gym and all the parking spaces on my street were taken.  The old me would have been infuriated at this small inconvenience.  I would have stormed into the house (after walking the extra 30 feet from the street around the corner) and spent the night muttering about my jerk neighbor who has a driveway, but parks on the street anyway.  However, last night, as I felt my irritation rise, I thought to myself, “Is this worth my attention?”  I wasn’t going to go confront the neighbor and ask him to move, so there wasn’t anything I could do about the problem.  Thus, I determined it wasn’t worth my energy to be angry.

We’re always going to have those day-to-day irritations, like cosmic mosquito bites: the woman who butts in line for groceries, or the hotshot who cuts us off on the highway, or the colleague who has something nasty to say about our work.  None of these things matter any more than we let them.   We are in control.  The sooner we let go and forget, the happier we can be.  Reserve the energy for things that matter.

Hurt vs. Happiness

Of course, there will also be more serious situations – for example, someone we love does or says something that hurts us terribly.  Again, it is our choice whether or not to keep that person in our lives and accept who they are and what they’ve done.  It’s a big question, but generally, the answer will depend on whether we think that person adds to our ultimate good.

We’re never going to like everything about another human being; even those we love the most will occasionally ignite our inner fury.  But since we can’t control our friends and family, all we can do is decide what’s in our own best interest.  What makes us happy – holding on to an argument or calling a truce?  In my experience, forgiving is far more powerful and fulfilling.

Pursue happiness, all day, everyday

To tie this back to the beginning, the thing to remember is that we are all entitled – or to quote the great Jefferson – “endowed by our Creator” with the right to pursue happiness.  It’s what we’re meant to do with our lives.  And if we aren’t happy, then we need to look around to see what we can fix or change.  The answers are always within us.  It’s our job to continue to “pursue” them.

We all deserve to be happy, and should feel no guilt as we attempt to create a better life for ourselves.  Whether it’s a big change – like starting a new career – or a little change – like making time to read a novel – we should feel proud of our efforts… and maybe even a little patriotic!

Published in: on May 26, 2011 at 7:25 pm  Comments (6)  
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What do I want to be when I grow up?

When I was little, it never occurred to me that I wouldn’t know what to do with my life.  When I was in kindergarten, I wrote in my “autobiography” that I would be a lawyer (and then drew a picture of a judge).  I also thought of becoming a primatologist in Africa or an international lawyer protecting endangered species (these were all career choices made by my pre-10-yr-old self).

In my college essays, I told admissions officers that I would personally help make the United Nations into an effective inter-governmental body (refer back to previous post on “ego”).  I entered Cornell as an international relations major, but soon was forced to accept my complete inability to speak foreign languages.  Switching to government and history, I planned to go work on The Hill in Washington DC.  The summer after sophomore year, I interned for the Last Lion (Senator Edward Kennedy) and the writer James Fallows, then, the following fall, for Micheal Martin (currently leader of the Irish political party, Fianna Fail).  By the end of senior year, I was sure I wanted to write about politics.

After I graduated, I briefly worked at US News and World Report, but life intervened, and I left the job prematurely.   I next tried education (too bureaucratic), campaigning (loved it, but hard to make a living), Wall Street sales (I couldn’t sell water in the desert), corporate communications (too constraining) and novel writing (loved it, but again, hard to make a living).

So, here I am… I’m 35.  And I STILL don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.

Are you your job?

Many people define themselves by their profession: “I’m a _____” (fill in lawyer, doctor, engineer, programmer, artist, writer, analyst, manager, salesman, etc., etc.).  I don’t know what to say about myself.  Am I a writer?  Yes, it’s what I do… but, it isn’t, really, “my job.”

There is more to life than our job, but it usually says a lot about who we are.  The lucky among us are passionate about what they do.  They never “have” to go to “work.”  They choose to do what they love.  This is ideal.  But for others, their job is just a way to pay the bills.  Nothing wrong with that… unless you want something more.

My sister once sent me a quote by the philosopher Howard Thurman, who said, ““Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”  The challenge, though, can be figuring out what makes us come alive!

What happens when you find your passion, but it doesn’t find you?

As I wrote the other day, among my favorite quotes is this, from Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist:

Before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we’ve learned as we’ve moved toward that dream. That’s the point at which most people give up. It’s the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one ‘dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon.’

I’ve felt this way about my book.  Is it my dream?  Will it ever be realized?  Is the fact that I haven’t yet had it published a test, or is it an indication that I ought to be doing something else with my life.  In truth, I don’t know.  Except, there’s that quiet voice deep in my being that says I should still believe in it.  There’s nothing to do but keep trying…

So what do you do when you feel unfulfilled in some aspect of your life?

1) Ask questions.  Gay Hendricks, a former professor at Stanford and the author of two books I really liked, 5 Wishes and The Great Leap, suggests thinking about the end of our lives and asking ourselves what we would wish we could say about how we lived and what we’d done.  It’s a helpful way to hone in one what’s really important and interesting to us.

2) Accept the present.  Spiritual leaders often say that one way to be peaceful and content is to accept life the way it is in any given moment.  In whatever one does, there are lessons to be learned… even if a situation is stressful or boring or disappointing.   The key is to accept whatever comes our way.  Learn from the past, plan for the future, but live in the moment.

3) “Don’t give up.  Don’t ever give up.”  Jim Valvano, the courageous basketball coach of North Carolina State University said these inspiring words before he succumbed to cancer.  He also said, “be a dreamer.”  To fulfil our own potential, we have to dream and dream big.  Once we’ve defined what we want, we can’t give up.  That’s the only way one can ever truly fail.

Long Days Journey Into Night

There are always going to be good days and bad.  There are always going to be times that try our mettle.  But if we know where we want to go and what we want to accomplish (whether it’s in a career, a hobby or with our family), then it’s easier to navigate those challenging moments.

I definitely do not have the answers yet.  I’m searching for them.  If anyone out there thoughts on “coming alive,” please leave comments or send me a message!

Published in: on April 1, 2011 at 4:42 pm  Comments (6)  
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