Around the corner…

Lately, I’ve been a bit impatient.  I have a couple goals I want to achieve immediately, if not sooner.  I spend my days hitting refresh on my email desperately hoping to find a message of progress.  I recognize that it isn’t only pots that don’t boil, but it’s hard to look away.  I do, however, have a way to console myself: the “around the corner” philosophy.

We never know what’s just around the corner…  Life is funny like that.  An answer often appears just when one is about to give up.  How many people have gone out on a million bad dates, only to meet their partner where they least expected it?  How many people were at the end of their employment rope only get a job offer out of the blue?  How often has an untenable situation been solved at the last minute?

Opportunity calling

In my experience, it’s happened with some regularity.  I was unemployed and had given up my apartment with no where else to go when a friend called me up and asked me to come interview.  It turned out that a position had opened up because the current occupant was moving with his wife to Ohio for about a year.  And when that year was coming to an end and the person was returning (leading to some discomfort about how the roles would change), I got a call from a college friend asking me to interview for her.  Suddenly, I was moving to New York City, where anything can (and does) happen.

And that job changed more than my zip code.  I had come to accept the idea that I might be on my own for the rest of my life – and was quite comfortable with it – when I heard the laugh that rang ’round New York.  It was in the middle of a conference about bird flu and the laugh’s owner kept talking about toilet sanitizing, but I could feel the prickles of excitement telling me my world was changing.  Ironically, the guy obsessed with restroom cleanliness first described himself to me as a “cleanish rugby bloke”… cleanish because of the mud that was caked on in the locker rooms where they changed after a game.

Just when we were starting to think we’d like to give the relationship a go, but had to contend with a slight issue – the ocean between us – a job opened up for the rugby bloke in New York.  And after a year, when we had decided we’d like to move back to England?  You guessed it, a job opened up with a company in London willing to pay for our relocation.

Surprise, Surprise

I’ve often heard people despair about meeting the right person.  They fear they are too old, or don’t work where they can meet anyone, etc.  But I strongly contend that it can happen anywhere, anytime, for anyone.  You might spend a year going out on internet dates, but meet the person you’re meant to marry on a subway.  I certainly wouldn’t have expected to find my future spouse at a bird flu conference.  One of my favorite love stories is my dear friend’s, who met her husband while dressed as an oversized Snow White at a rugby match in Hong Kong – talk about not prepared for the moment!  (To read about this romantic adventure, visit Patricia Sexton’s blog: Land of the Blue Sky)

Whether you’re going through a divorce, or waiting to hear from an employer, or trying to fulfill your personal legend, there will be days when you feel like there’s only an indefinite dark tunnel.  And those days are tough to get through.  But then, one day, there’s an unexpected bend and suddenly… boom… daylight.

I am reminding myself of this today as I close my email and go about my life… Eventually, the water will boil and the email will come.

Published in: on May 13, 2011 at 3:23 pm  Comments (11)  
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Patience and Perseverance

For those of us trying to achieve some personal ambition, my god, it can seem like the path to that dream is one of those horror movie hallways that just gets longer as the hero runs along it .

I’ve occasionally heard new authors make comments like, “I’m not published yet because I haven’t finished my manuscript, but as soon as it’s done, I plan to go with X agent and use Y publisher.”  I want to scoff a little, but also give them a reassuring hug – like you do to a small child who says he wants to be Emperor of the World when he grows up.  These naive writers seem to imagine that the publishing world is just sitting there waiting with baited breath for their submission.   The advance check is already filled out and signed, ready to be sent.  Maybe I was a little like that, too, when I finished the first draft of my novel.

Ten years later, I realize it’s only that simple for a couple of people – people with celebrity, connections or such genius that their work cannot be ignored.  The likelihood of it happening that way for anyone else is about the same as getting struck by lightening while a shark attacks.  And so, for the rest of us, the way to success is to persevere… even when it feels like you’re getting no where.

When asked how a writer keeps going after a rejection, the incredibly talented Marc Nobleman, author of Boys of Steel, said to me, “I just remember that the very next person I ask could say ‘yes.’  Would I ever be able to forgive myself if I knew I gave up when I could have succeeded?”  Such a positive mindset does help keep one focused on the goal, rather than the setbacks.

I also think about sports greats (Federer, Louganis, the Manning brothers, the Williams sisters, to name a few).  Would they have gotten where they are if they’d ever given up when they’d lost?

And sometimes I’ve felt like I am the sound of one hand clapping; I am a tree, alone in the middle of the forest, and I fall… did I make any sound?  When waiting for a reply to an email, I feel invisible, like a silent ghost trying to make contact with the world that cannot… or will not… hear me.  But, I know that everything can change in a moment.  Success is always possible, as long as one maintains patience, faith and perseverance.

It’s hard to keep going when it seems like you’re not getting anywhere, but you’ll never succeed if you stop.  Those of us with a dream that seems so far from being realized must remember that the road is long, but only those who stay on the path will reach their destination.

I always liked this quote from Thomas Mann’s Mario and the Magician:  “Shall we go away whenever life looks like turning in the slightest uncanny, or not quite normal, or even rather painful and mortifying? No, surely not. Rather stay and look matters in the face, brave them out; perhaps precisely in so doing lies a lesson for us to learn.”

Published in: on March 28, 2011 at 3:37 pm  Comments (1)  
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